Well i guess its 4:30 now. should be sleeping soon. I actually had more fun tonight than i thought i would. Started out at like 11 with me talking to sky and then one thing lead to another and i was talking on webcam with her friend for the rest of the night, or morning whatever you want to call it. She was pretty good looking too. Maybe I'll see her around sometime.
I'm just happy that I can say that I dont care about Megan anymore. Dont know why it took so long, i guess it actually had to be fully given to me then taken away for me to realize that yea what she has to offer isnt much more than a couple of hours of fun in bed. Sure thats fine and all but not very fulfilling. Courage Wolf is right, there's 3 billion women in the world so why be hung up on just one, haha. I can do better than Megan anyways, she's not incredibly attractive and is a shitty girlfriend, treats people like shit. Don't know why i fell for her in the first place, sure shes nice but theres more enough nice girls in the world to go around. I thought she was pretty attractive but its not like there arent millions of attractive women out there. There was really nothing incredibly incredible about her. Except for her smile, i do have to give her that, she has one of the pretiest smiles I've seen in my life. Sure it'll still take me a little while to be totally over her but I'm at the point where i dont care about any romantic relationships with her and if she comes back to me i'll get to be the one to laugh in her face and turn her down.
Dont get me wrong she's a great person for the most part and I'm more than happy to still be really tight friends with her, im just glad i dont feel the need to have her. There are so many more girls i could be meeting or flirting with out there that are so much more worth my time.
Feels good man, feels good
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Stop this MADNESS!!!!
Zac Efron as Light!!! WTF. Wrong!!!
if you think that this is completely bullshit and zac efron should die sign this random online petition i found against zac efrons pathetic existance and trying to be light
http://www.petitiononline.com/apple88/petition.html
i think theres like 10,000 signatures already which isnt bad because fucking pussy ass Efron cant be Light!!!
I also found an online petition saying "Cast Efron as Light" and it has 20 signatures and half of them are people saying stuff like "HELL NO!!" XD
Well yea sign that petition or else you support Efron which makes you a tool! =D
if you think that this is completely bullshit and zac efron should die sign this random online petition i found against zac efrons pathetic existance and trying to be light
http://www.petitiononline.com/apple88/petition.html
i think theres like 10,000 signatures already which isnt bad because fucking pussy ass Efron cant be Light!!!
I also found an online petition saying "Cast Efron as Light" and it has 20 signatures and half of them are people saying stuff like "HELL NO!!" XD
Well yea sign that petition or else you support Efron which makes you a tool! =D
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Movies, and stuff!
Yea so last night I watched some movies for the first time in a quite a while. Blair Witch project, it was kinda cool but personally i didnt really like it. It was alot of the same thing the whole movie and the ending was quite a let down. I wont ruin it in case anyone else is planning on watching it but i advise you not too, it wasnt that great. Also last night I showed Mark the Butterfly Effect which depressed him for a while. I love that movie, it's so great but at the same time it's one of those movies where nothing goes right and it's full of sadness.
That was the first time in a while that me and Mark actually hung out for an extended period of time. and i have to say i miss hanging out with you Mark. We need to chill this long weekend and watch movies again or something XD. I actually miss hanging out with Jeremy too. Haven't seen him in months and we havent hung out since that whole bassist thing happened and we used to be really tight friends too. I havent actually hung out with anyone other than Max and Dylan much lately because there's been alot of band practices and alot of homework that i still have tons of D=. It's lame.
Mother's day was pretty good, ended up taking 4 hours to go to Richmond to get shrimp though XD. 20 pounds of it... So yea that's pretty intense.
Played our first gig friday. I think we did alright we could have done better. But everyone else seemed to think we did really awesome. We definitely turned some heads and made an impression on alot of people. but still we can do better than that and we need a better sound guy than that because he was terrible.
Yesterday was a pretty sweet day actually. Hung out with fabio for like 4 hours, played some pearl jam, alice in chains and alot of zeppelin and sabbath. Also jammed to some stuff we came up with on the spot. It was cool chilling with him for the first time in like 6 years. Then went out to ridge and hung out with Megan for the evening. Went grabbed some slurpees when some freaky druggy chick came and sent us on some freaky escapade at like 5pm, but yea thats a different story. Went to some random park in the middle of residential ridge. Just talked about everything for a few hours on the swings and had a good time. Went down to "Best Street" it's a real street and it's like a friggen giant hill. Went to the golf course, that was a pretty good time. Hung out at some shitty playground at her elementray school, watched the sunset and then thats about when i started heading back to pitt. Then i realized how much lamer pitt is compared to ridge. There's nothing here. Hung out with Mark and stuff and now it's sunday night and theres school tomorow. But as great as this weekend was, it was a terrible weekend. Nothing bad happened yet in all honesty I miss her so much. I see beauty in her that nobody else sees and i miss her. But i probably shouldn't have even written any of that paragraph, alot of people reading it will probably getting some negative thoughts going through their head while they read it.
That was the first time in a while that me and Mark actually hung out for an extended period of time. and i have to say i miss hanging out with you Mark. We need to chill this long weekend and watch movies again or something XD. I actually miss hanging out with Jeremy too. Haven't seen him in months and we havent hung out since that whole bassist thing happened and we used to be really tight friends too. I havent actually hung out with anyone other than Max and Dylan much lately because there's been alot of band practices and alot of homework that i still have tons of D=. It's lame.
Mother's day was pretty good, ended up taking 4 hours to go to Richmond to get shrimp though XD. 20 pounds of it... So yea that's pretty intense.
Played our first gig friday. I think we did alright we could have done better. But everyone else seemed to think we did really awesome. We definitely turned some heads and made an impression on alot of people. but still we can do better than that and we need a better sound guy than that because he was terrible.
Yesterday was a pretty sweet day actually. Hung out with fabio for like 4 hours, played some pearl jam, alice in chains and alot of zeppelin and sabbath. Also jammed to some stuff we came up with on the spot. It was cool chilling with him for the first time in like 6 years. Then went out to ridge and hung out with Megan for the evening. Went grabbed some slurpees when some freaky druggy chick came and sent us on some freaky escapade at like 5pm, but yea thats a different story. Went to some random park in the middle of residential ridge. Just talked about everything for a few hours on the swings and had a good time. Went down to "Best Street" it's a real street and it's like a friggen giant hill. Went to the golf course, that was a pretty good time. Hung out at some shitty playground at her elementray school, watched the sunset and then thats about when i started heading back to pitt. Then i realized how much lamer pitt is compared to ridge. There's nothing here. Hung out with Mark and stuff and now it's sunday night and theres school tomorow. But as great as this weekend was, it was a terrible weekend. Nothing bad happened yet in all honesty I miss her so much. I see beauty in her that nobody else sees and i miss her. But i probably shouldn't have even written any of that paragraph, alot of people reading it will probably getting some negative thoughts going through their head while they read it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Stillborn pride - let me hide!
Once more I've stepped across the line,
Repeating to myself that everything is fine.
Once more I'm shipwrecked far from shore.
This time the war and blood and gore are
Mine. Approaching the end, thinking it's all
Pretend. Then - clarity, so close to me. Although
I knew I killed me to I came back to life.
The key is flexibility. Guard your strenghts
ANd drown the rest: out of mind, out of sight.
The chains on my wings ... still tight but
Loosening. The age of wondering led me to a
Place never revisited again.
Stillborn pride - Spare my mind!
Don't regret all of your past - you can't
Change. Tears dry but they're never your last -
That won't change. The first stone has just
Been cast - Show restraing.
You can't take all my apathy.
You can't take such a tragedy.
You can't brake all my fallacies.
Let serendipity.
Okay - so things don't always go your
Way. We may see things for what they
are someday.
So things don't always go your
Way. See things for what they
are today
I'm in love with the agonist such an amazing band, with female vocals too. Kinda like nightwish and lacuna coil with more of a kick. I love them.
Walking the elysian fields
From the tree the snake watches you
Can you feel your dying heart
It can no longer stand the temptation
Wipe out the flashbacks
From the depths of my caved in heart
Trample my utopia
Memories force my mind to tear apart
We both ate from the serpent’s tree
I cannot blame us for burning all the bridges
Close that coffin, strike the last nail
And tell me why is my soul this frail
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
Endless struggle with my mind ghost
It haunts my every step, my every thought.
This body is nothing but a shell
Just to enhance my never-ending nightmare
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
And of course Sonic Syndicate. Fucking godly, and amazing live performances. Apparently the screamer and the 2 guitarists are all brothers too, which is pretty intense. Tonight was interesting, definitely strange and i dont know kinda nice. I should probably sleep soon though. Ugh why is it sunday already. I can't wait to play the first show on friday though. With at least 2 originals. It's gonna be pretty great. Get a pretty good audience too, at least everyone who matters would be nice. but of course the bigger the crowd the better Well thats it for now i guess ill sleep. lol first post in like a month. totally forgot about the site
Once more I've stepped across the line,
Repeating to myself that everything is fine.
Once more I'm shipwrecked far from shore.
This time the war and blood and gore are
Mine. Approaching the end, thinking it's all
Pretend. Then - clarity, so close to me. Although
I knew I killed me to I came back to life.
The key is flexibility. Guard your strenghts
ANd drown the rest: out of mind, out of sight.
The chains on my wings ... still tight but
Loosening. The age of wondering led me to a
Place never revisited again.
Stillborn pride - Spare my mind!
Don't regret all of your past - you can't
Change. Tears dry but they're never your last -
That won't change. The first stone has just
Been cast - Show restraing.
You can't take all my apathy.
You can't take such a tragedy.
You can't brake all my fallacies.
Let serendipity.
Okay - so things don't always go your
Way. We may see things for what they
are someday.
So things don't always go your
Way. See things for what they
are today
I'm in love with the agonist such an amazing band, with female vocals too. Kinda like nightwish and lacuna coil with more of a kick. I love them.
Walking the elysian fields
From the tree the snake watches you
Can you feel your dying heart
It can no longer stand the temptation
Wipe out the flashbacks
From the depths of my caved in heart
Trample my utopia
Memories force my mind to tear apart
We both ate from the serpent’s tree
I cannot blame us for burning all the bridges
Close that coffin, strike the last nail
And tell me why is my soul this frail
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
Endless struggle with my mind ghost
It haunts my every step, my every thought.
This body is nothing but a shell
Just to enhance my never-ending nightmare
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
You said you`d be far away
But so is the sun and it still burns
You promised time would heal our wounds
But the scars will always remind us
And of course Sonic Syndicate. Fucking godly, and amazing live performances. Apparently the screamer and the 2 guitarists are all brothers too, which is pretty intense. Tonight was interesting, definitely strange and i dont know kinda nice. I should probably sleep soon though. Ugh why is it sunday already. I can't wait to play the first show on friday though. With at least 2 originals. It's gonna be pretty great. Get a pretty good audience too, at least everyone who matters would be nice. but of course the bigger the crowd the better Well thats it for now i guess ill sleep. lol first post in like a month. totally forgot about the site
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
ugh im sick and extremely bored. I pretty much spent all of today and yesterday in bed which was fucking lame, but im better today than yesterday, hopefully be at school tomorow. I hate it, you're always tired when you're sick, ive been awake for like 5 hours after 15 hours of sleep and im dead tired and all i did was sit in a chair all day. bleh. Well yea I'll probs be at school tomorow cause i need to do some work, even though i wont do any tomorow but ill do some at home. I'll just end up going to rockschool and then skipping gym and then i dont know go to the gym or something haha. Well that killed like 5 minutes XP.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My eyes roll back into my head,
i'm trying to keep my head on straight to
understand. Remember what he said,
"Yes, I do believe".
A smile reached the surface.
Free me. You have freed me,
I will not suffer anymore,
Suffer anymore. I'm alive.
I'm scared stiff, i'm shaking in my boots.
When you come face to face with the reason
you exsist. I'm holding on to truth,
and living like a king. I'm tired now,
somehow I will survive. I can't remember
how it feels to be alright.
By grace, you have freed me, I will not
suffer anymore, I will not suffer anymore,
suffer anymore. I'm alive
Fucking amazing song, i love it. Everything by them is good they are amazing. Usually Christian rock/metal is the best it's just hard to find the good ones.
Right now im so bored and my throat feels like its gonna explode, fucking blows.
i'm trying to keep my head on straight to
understand. Remember what he said,
"Yes, I do believe".
A smile reached the surface.
Free me. You have freed me,
I will not suffer anymore,
Suffer anymore. I'm alive.
I'm scared stiff, i'm shaking in my boots.
When you come face to face with the reason
you exsist. I'm holding on to truth,
and living like a king. I'm tired now,
somehow I will survive. I can't remember
how it feels to be alright.
By grace, you have freed me, I will not
suffer anymore, I will not suffer anymore,
suffer anymore. I'm alive
Fucking amazing song, i love it. Everything by them is good they are amazing. Usually Christian rock/metal is the best it's just hard to find the good ones.
Right now im so bored and my throat feels like its gonna explode, fucking blows.
Monday, March 30, 2009
I wake up every morning bright and early roll out of bed but I'm never quite alone, their hunger for the living helps them hunt it with the greatest of ease. And I don't understand why they justify iniquity. But what if I changed the signs would you even take notice? Why is there no reason that time and time again you'll think about yourself before you think about me? I sit in traffic every morning just as i arrive I'm slaving to the grind and punch through the wall as I break my fist. All alone and I can't fell no pain, only strain. Enjoy the sights, I feel alive, just relaxing here feels alright with the warming memory of the one last kiss.
I managed to make a somewhat understandable paragraph out of about 10 different song lyrics!
But yea if you can make it out that a basic version of how I feel, presented in the form of lyrics which are the biggest outlet of feelings ever. I figured it'd be more interesting than just writing them out like everyone else. That is mainly the only thing we use the blogs for lol.
Well our first ever band practice was actually amazing. Lay Down sounds great and we pretty much wrote a whole original in about 1 hour, so that was definitely a win. The original sounds amazing too, its just so fucking awesome. Everyone loves it too it's so sweet. So yea if we keep up like this we'll have probably 2-3 orginals and 4 or so good covers in a month and we'll start playing some shows!!! We already have that one song as an original, and unfinished one that needs touch ups and a hilarious extremely happy riff dylan wrote that we thought would actually make an incredible screamo chorus. So there that's 3 originals to be touched up and need vocals. So everyone was hoping to get the song we wrote last practice finished and have a rough first version demo sort of thing recorded during the week through an actually audio jack so we can get some good quality recordings. But yea hopefully we'll be playing our first show in about a month and if all of our songs sound as awesome as this one we'll be playing big shows fast!
I managed to make a somewhat understandable paragraph out of about 10 different song lyrics!
But yea if you can make it out that a basic version of how I feel, presented in the form of lyrics which are the biggest outlet of feelings ever. I figured it'd be more interesting than just writing them out like everyone else. That is mainly the only thing we use the blogs for lol.
Well our first ever band practice was actually amazing. Lay Down sounds great and we pretty much wrote a whole original in about 1 hour, so that was definitely a win. The original sounds amazing too, its just so fucking awesome. Everyone loves it too it's so sweet. So yea if we keep up like this we'll have probably 2-3 orginals and 4 or so good covers in a month and we'll start playing some shows!!! We already have that one song as an original, and unfinished one that needs touch ups and a hilarious extremely happy riff dylan wrote that we thought would actually make an incredible screamo chorus. So there that's 3 originals to be touched up and need vocals. So everyone was hoping to get the song we wrote last practice finished and have a rough first version demo sort of thing recorded during the week through an actually audio jack so we can get some good quality recordings. But yea hopefully we'll be playing our first show in about a month and if all of our songs sound as awesome as this one we'll be playing big shows fast!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Yea, well I've come to the same conclusion as everyone else. There's really nothing left to say on these things. Well i guess i could talk about my day haha. Well i woke up and had some life cereal, two bowls. Showed up at school knowing that Max and Mark were bound to skip after only one day back from the break. They did. So yea I spent the first 2 blocks and finished planning and hung out with Megan. She's a pretty depressing person right now, not happy with losing Itay. So i pretty much just talked to Erin and Kitty 2nd block. Her name is actually Kitty, it's pretty sweet and shes really into art and music so she's my asian buddy now lol. 3rd block was lame with mcilroy, hung out with mitch and did nothing that whole block. Lunch hung out with taysia for the whole time and a bit with ryan and derek, i saw them like 10 times today i swear. 4th umm cant remember what i did.... oh yea i finished last guide in planing and then with 30 minutes left i went to go find some people and i saw Kaity wandering the halls kicked out of science for working so we just chilled to rest of the block and then went to my math class to play a game of S.O.S. that we for once finished in 5th block. Yea then I left went to the gym got some sushi and went home to sit at the computer being bored.
Alright so that was my day guys =D
Well that only killed about 5 minutes... lame.
These blogs are boring, theres no point, im bored, i wrote about my day haha.
What else is there to talk about... umm no work until saturday! hooray! thats cool. I want to go to the gym tomorow, i did nothing over the break i just lazed around so may as well start going again.
hmm.. everyone seems depressed lately. Like the world was taken over by a depressing miasma. I don't know, I feel pretty fine, for the most part. When I get sad I just get optimistic, which considering the circumstances, isn't hard. It cheers me up. I guess you could say right now I'm not sad just impatient. So I'm trying to fill the time up with tons of stuff to do. Drumming, song writing, going to the gym, working. My main reason for working isnt even the money, i dont want money now, i want it for the future but i just wanted a job so i could fill some time. Life's kinda funny right now kind of in a twisted sort of way. Kind of like god's testing us all. Seeing how much we can take. I doubt I'm the only one who feels like this, like we're being tryed. I know it'll work out, a week ago... yea. That was as real as it gets, like a wait for me sorta thing, that one moment. No one knows what the fuck im talking about but yea i dont really either. Everything happens for a reason right. Well it sure can be hard sometimes to think of the reasons. But I think I should be doing something right now. Something more than what I'm already doing. Reprioritize a bit. I think I've got it though. Good things come when you least expect them, I'm just gonna stack the deck a bit while i wait.
I've never felt so motivated in my life to do something, make something out of myself. I just need 4 others with the same mindset. Pretty sure I've got 2 already at least, hopefully 4. dont know. I just want to do this enough fucking around, Dylan has the exact same idea as me, almost positive Max does too. So why has nothing happened? I was hoping by now to at least have a set. So I'm done fucking around doing nothing. I'm tired of playing everyday to a track.
Yea and I also want to go to the gym regularily again =P
K well I just wasted about 30 mins sweet now ima go to sleep lol
Alright so that was my day guys =D
Well that only killed about 5 minutes... lame.
These blogs are boring, theres no point, im bored, i wrote about my day haha.
What else is there to talk about... umm no work until saturday! hooray! thats cool. I want to go to the gym tomorow, i did nothing over the break i just lazed around so may as well start going again.
hmm.. everyone seems depressed lately. Like the world was taken over by a depressing miasma. I don't know, I feel pretty fine, for the most part. When I get sad I just get optimistic, which considering the circumstances, isn't hard. It cheers me up. I guess you could say right now I'm not sad just impatient. So I'm trying to fill the time up with tons of stuff to do. Drumming, song writing, going to the gym, working. My main reason for working isnt even the money, i dont want money now, i want it for the future but i just wanted a job so i could fill some time. Life's kinda funny right now kind of in a twisted sort of way. Kind of like god's testing us all. Seeing how much we can take. I doubt I'm the only one who feels like this, like we're being tryed. I know it'll work out, a week ago... yea. That was as real as it gets, like a wait for me sorta thing, that one moment. No one knows what the fuck im talking about but yea i dont really either. Everything happens for a reason right. Well it sure can be hard sometimes to think of the reasons. But I think I should be doing something right now. Something more than what I'm already doing. Reprioritize a bit. I think I've got it though. Good things come when you least expect them, I'm just gonna stack the deck a bit while i wait.
I've never felt so motivated in my life to do something, make something out of myself. I just need 4 others with the same mindset. Pretty sure I've got 2 already at least, hopefully 4. dont know. I just want to do this enough fucking around, Dylan has the exact same idea as me, almost positive Max does too. So why has nothing happened? I was hoping by now to at least have a set. So I'm done fucking around doing nothing. I'm tired of playing everyday to a track.
Yea and I also want to go to the gym regularily again =P
K well I just wasted about 30 mins sweet now ima go to sleep lol
Holy shit!!!
ok my mind has just been blown, take 15 minutes to read this article
http://beta.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy.html
Amazing is it not. Like holy fucking shit!
http://beta.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy.html
Amazing is it not. Like holy fucking shit!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Now could it be maybe it's not me, YEAH! sleePING! Could it be maybe yoouu awakening?
WORDS SO SECURE SCREAMING LIKE AN ALARM!!
Are you trying to wake me up?
NOW WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL, IS IT MY ARM?!!
I do believe you're trying to wake me up
Now could it be maybe it's not me YEAH!! sleePING!!!
Could it be maybe you awakening?
Sleep this time tonight
Sleepwalk in the light
Sleep this time tonight
(One day we'll)Sleepwalk out of sight
Now here, I, am, but I'm just sleepwalking
Yes here, I, stand
But I guess I'm just sleeptalking for myself
One day this world will see me at the horizon
One day from a distant light
And just before I stand to face my love
I'll turn around and with a smile I'll say my goodbyes
Just one last goodbye... GOODBYE!
Not exactly sure what the last stanza (bridge) is supposed to mean, but this song is the fucking most amazing song ever made. It's a great song to play to, so me dylan and anyone else who wants to are gonna play it for the fun of it because its fucking amazing. Haha love it, listened to it like 30 times. Last night was pretty sweet too. Tonight will probably pretty sweet. Yea, thursday i have nothing friday is gonna be funny and yea sat and sunday i have no clue. Yep
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Man, well once again during a break from school, Megan and I start getting really flirty again. Totally wasn't expecting it, last night she called me and invited me to her place to hang out with a few friends tonight. So yea i showed up after work and everyone chilled in the hottub and had fun and stuff and i kinda realized that she was always coming to sit next to me in the hotub. I didn't think it was anything until everyone went back inside and Emma once again was taking up shitloads of room on the couch so Megan would have an excuse to sit really really close to me. Thats when i realized something was up. So yea then for the last half hour or so me and Megan were just cuddling on the couch like we used to. It was nice, definitely took me off guard didnt expect her to come on to me or anything. So yea, the last hour or so was spent with us cuddling listening to tons of people i barely know talk about random shit and put condoms on their hands. Deinitely a trippy night. But i dont know what to do because i dont want to get fucked over again, but then i want really too surprised when she started cuddling with me, since what happened new years eve seemed so weird and just off. So yea apparently she likes me again, and yea i still like her, i only stopped for about 3 weeks in feb. Cuddling with her made me remember the whole winter break and boxing day, which had to have been one of the best days of my life. It was so much fun, shes just too much fun to hang out with. With her i can just forget about everything bad about life because when im with her i only feel happy, nothing else. And she thinks im amazing, like extremely hot, funniest man on earth sorta thing. So i hope this time now that itays out of the way permanently and she doesnt care about him at all this time maybe something can happen with us. I hope it does because if it blows up in my face again... i dont know what i'd do. It would be worse the second time, and the first time was pretty fucking terrible for me. Only time i'd ever cried over a girl before. I dont even know why i feel this way for her, she's attractive but not incredibly, shes isn't even close to perfect yet at the same time she is just perfect. I just hope it all works out because if it doesnt i dont know what i'd do...
Well we've been talking for like the past 2 hours now. It's pretty sweet. Things are pretty much just like they were last break, and i cant stop remembering boxing day, and just like the whole winter break and half on january I always have the same reoccuring dreams of the two of us. Just purely happy dreams that make me want to just sleep all day. Haha hopefully, this time the dreams will be reality.
Well we've been talking for like the past 2 hours now. It's pretty sweet. Things are pretty much just like they were last break, and i cant stop remembering boxing day, and just like the whole winter break and half on january I always have the same reoccuring dreams of the two of us. Just purely happy dreams that make me want to just sleep all day. Haha hopefully, this time the dreams will be reality.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Omg!! Chris can draw!!!
K so I'm really shocked right now. I'm the guy who always thought I can only draw stick figures and that I'm the worst artist ever. Well as seen above I'm pretty decent considering I just started drawing yesterday and this is the first drawing I've done of a picture off the internet. Never done that ever before in my life. I have to say I'm dumbfounded and extremely proud of myself for actually drawing that. Who knew I could draw? I have to say I love my new found skill, I've always wanted to be able to draw and i guess i never really tried until now and I have to say it's soooo much fun. I'll probably be spending a lot of time now drawing either my own creations or other replicating others. Like Inuyasha ^_^
I just decided to share that with you because i bet you'll all be as surprised as I am. ^_^
Monday, March 2, 2009
This was gonna be a comment on Mark's post but yea it was so big i decided to make it into a blogpost.
The title says it all. By the way sorry for catching the shuttle without you today Mark =(
Hmm... faces look retarded in this thing.
Yea, i agree with Max; you shouldn't be so quick to give up. You might just have to give it some time to let her get over Jeremy. But as far as Jeremy goes no ones very happy with him right now.
Everyone hates how the reason he dumped Cassidy was so that he could cheat on her if he ever felt like. They act exactly the same as they did a couple months ago. It's annoying how he's made out to be such a ladies man even though all he is is desperate. Almost any guy can get a girlfriend like Jeremy can but most of us have the dignity not to ask out any and every girl that so much as smiles at us or shows the slightest interest in us. Funny thing is that actually Jeremy isn't very smooth with the ladies at all. He's liked by about as many people as any other guy I can think of is, probably less girls like him than most other guys do actually. He just brags about every girl that likes him and stretches the truth. Actually as far as women go I feel bad for him. The only girlfriend he's kept for more than 1 week is Cassidy. Girls definitely aren't his strong point in life because he's (apparently) had 20 girlfriends and everysingle one but Cass dumped him the first week.
I feel bad for Kellen because everytime he gets any time with Cass Jeremy jumps beside her and practically starts making out with her and Kellen has always liked Cassidy more than Jeremy ever has. Kellen has always cared about her, one thing I'm sure Jeremy never put much thought into. Another thing he's done that Dylan, Max and I.. even Matt are pissed at him for is being a good for nothing bassist that hasnt shown up to a single practice. He gets one final chance to prove his worth thursday and if he's not there or if he sucks at the bass (one of those things is bound to happen) he's out. No more of that bullshit. That's the thing I'm pissed at him for right now, everything else with the girls and stuff is just Jeremy, he'll always be like that.
Don't get me wrong Jeremy's one of my best friends and he's tons of fun to hang out with and stuff but yea as far as women, morales and showing up to practice goes he's a fail and nobody agrees with him in those areas.
Well that was all gonna end up being a comment on Mark's last post but yea i figured I may as well turn it into my first post in like a month. To tell say the truth I forgot about this site. Probably because I can never think of anything to write about. Ok, well that's a lie. I can think of things but I don't bother writing most of it because I'm sure most people wouldn't want to spend the time reading it. Everybodies expressed their disinterest in my blog anyways. So if I ever have anything to say I say it out loud to people that care to listen.
I've hit that stage in my life where nothing seems to matter anymore. I guess it's only natural everyone goes through it. My parents did and my children will also. Nothing's so special anymore Christmas, Birthdays, holidays in general. All the childhood joys are no longer fulfilling and I havent hit the age where other things are exciting, like travelling the world, going to college, really starting my life, getting married and all tha stuff.
Lately I've just been doing stuff to try and fill the time. The one thing I look forward to now the most is playing music. Even if it's only me alone playing to a track, it's still amazing. It's a let down when Jeremy doesnt show up and he probably cant even play. I was hoping we'd actually have a bassist and a full band that with alot of hard work we could get going. Well now we need a bassist, big let down. Guess we're not going to be performing all too soon.
Whatever in this time when I'm not actually playing with my band I can write some music that we can use some of it later in future originals. I guess I can't really complain though, as a drummer I'm actually fairly renowned, I'm known as the best drummer at thomas haney by everyone who goes there and in the small music crowd at Pitt I'm known as a damn good drummer, best at Pitt easily. At least thss also has Will and that other guy who are also pretty good. I have Gary's praise he considers me one of the best drummers he's ever taught and says I have amazing potential, the potential to become as him in many many years but eventually reach his current level. So that's awesome that he thinks so highly of me as a student.
I just want to perform though so more people can see how great my band will be, once we find a bassist and get our shit together. We have the potential to be great just not the best conditions. shitty amps and such, and no bassist. unless jeremy is amazing and will show up to all our next practices...
That ends a long post lol, i have nothing else to say on those 2 subjects.
Hmm... faces look retarded in this thing.
Yea, i agree with Max; you shouldn't be so quick to give up. You might just have to give it some time to let her get over Jeremy. But as far as Jeremy goes no ones very happy with him right now.
Everyone hates how the reason he dumped Cassidy was so that he could cheat on her if he ever felt like. They act exactly the same as they did a couple months ago. It's annoying how he's made out to be such a ladies man even though all he is is desperate. Almost any guy can get a girlfriend like Jeremy can but most of us have the dignity not to ask out any and every girl that so much as smiles at us or shows the slightest interest in us. Funny thing is that actually Jeremy isn't very smooth with the ladies at all. He's liked by about as many people as any other guy I can think of is, probably less girls like him than most other guys do actually. He just brags about every girl that likes him and stretches the truth. Actually as far as women go I feel bad for him. The only girlfriend he's kept for more than 1 week is Cassidy. Girls definitely aren't his strong point in life because he's (apparently) had 20 girlfriends and everysingle one but Cass dumped him the first week.
I feel bad for Kellen because everytime he gets any time with Cass Jeremy jumps beside her and practically starts making out with her and Kellen has always liked Cassidy more than Jeremy ever has. Kellen has always cared about her, one thing I'm sure Jeremy never put much thought into. Another thing he's done that Dylan, Max and I.. even Matt are pissed at him for is being a good for nothing bassist that hasnt shown up to a single practice. He gets one final chance to prove his worth thursday and if he's not there or if he sucks at the bass (one of those things is bound to happen) he's out. No more of that bullshit. That's the thing I'm pissed at him for right now, everything else with the girls and stuff is just Jeremy, he'll always be like that.
Don't get me wrong Jeremy's one of my best friends and he's tons of fun to hang out with and stuff but yea as far as women, morales and showing up to practice goes he's a fail and nobody agrees with him in those areas.
Well that was all gonna end up being a comment on Mark's last post but yea i figured I may as well turn it into my first post in like a month. To tell say the truth I forgot about this site. Probably because I can never think of anything to write about. Ok, well that's a lie. I can think of things but I don't bother writing most of it because I'm sure most people wouldn't want to spend the time reading it. Everybodies expressed their disinterest in my blog anyways. So if I ever have anything to say I say it out loud to people that care to listen.
I've hit that stage in my life where nothing seems to matter anymore. I guess it's only natural everyone goes through it. My parents did and my children will also. Nothing's so special anymore Christmas, Birthdays, holidays in general. All the childhood joys are no longer fulfilling and I havent hit the age where other things are exciting, like travelling the world, going to college, really starting my life, getting married and all tha stuff.
Lately I've just been doing stuff to try and fill the time. The one thing I look forward to now the most is playing music. Even if it's only me alone playing to a track, it's still amazing. It's a let down when Jeremy doesnt show up and he probably cant even play. I was hoping we'd actually have a bassist and a full band that with alot of hard work we could get going. Well now we need a bassist, big let down. Guess we're not going to be performing all too soon.
Whatever in this time when I'm not actually playing with my band I can write some music that we can use some of it later in future originals. I guess I can't really complain though, as a drummer I'm actually fairly renowned, I'm known as the best drummer at thomas haney by everyone who goes there and in the small music crowd at Pitt I'm known as a damn good drummer, best at Pitt easily. At least thss also has Will and that other guy who are also pretty good. I have Gary's praise he considers me one of the best drummers he's ever taught and says I have amazing potential, the potential to become as him in many many years but eventually reach his current level. So that's awesome that he thinks so highly of me as a student.
I just want to perform though so more people can see how great my band will be, once we find a bassist and get our shit together. We have the potential to be great just not the best conditions. shitty amps and such, and no bassist. unless jeremy is amazing and will show up to all our next practices...
That ends a long post lol, i have nothing else to say on those 2 subjects.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Passing on the gift.... of METAL!!!
I can't take credit for this list of kick ass metal bands. This list was Tully's creation. So far I've only listened to the first few bands but they are fucking amazing, some of it is better than the metal I already listen to. I'm probably gonna torrent everysingle one of the like 100 bands just because I love them all for the most part. I'll update this post over time with my personal ratings for each of the bands as I listen to them all more. Youtube them all! So here's the list of AWESOME!!!
Sever Your Ties 7/10
Chasing Victory 8/10
Inhale Exhale 8.5/10
Beloved 6.5/10
Dance Gavin Dance 5.5/10
Alexisonfire 6/10
Bless the Fall 7.5/10 (listen to with eyes wide shut, it touched me very deeply, very unique band)
Close Your Eyes 6.5/10
Jamie’s Elsewhere 7/10
A Skylit Drive 7.5/10 (This is an all guy band >.>)
Memphis May Fire 6.75/10
Destroy the Runner 8/10
The Messenger 6.5/10
Hopes Die Last 8.75/10
A Breach on Heaven 6/10
Amia Venera Landscape 6/10
Belle Epoque (fr)
Belle Epoque (us)
Callahan 4/10
Here I Come Falling 4.5/10
A Day to Remember 3.5/10
Write This Down 6/10
Nihilio 5.5/10
Breathe Carolina 8/10
Falling Up 7.75/10
Dizmas 5.5/10
Spoken
Saturday Ends
Enter Shikari 8/10
Scary Kids Scaring Kids 6.5/10
Emery
As Cities Burn
Sky Eats Airplane 6/10
Valeyra
The Axe That Chopped the Cherry Tree
In Fair Verona
Of The Wolves
Burden of a Day 7/10
Forever Midnight Sun 5/10
Sivan
Solemn Vow
I Am Alpha and Omega 4/10
Before Their Eyes 6/10
Life in Your Way
In Fear and Faith 9/10
A Study in Scarlet
The Rose McCoy
ForeverAtLast
Ships and Sailors
A Living Burden
Zap Em Dead Bartholomew
Elotheos
Intrust
Ghost in the Radio
Pierce the Veil
Then Falls Ceasar
Kill the Queen
Sirena
Your Final Hour
My Hero is Me
Kincaide
Armor for the Broken
Our Last Night
Out Run the Gun
Run Into the Shadows
Guns for Glory
Blessed by a Broken Heart
Protest the Hero
Every Bridge Burned
Kid on Moon
A Perfect Tragedy
Nobodys Hero
Consider the Thief
Ice Nine Kills
With Life in Mind
A Kiss for Jersey
A Hero A Fake
Tie Fighter
Paddock Park
August Burns Red
Mychildren Mybride
Blessed is He
The Black Regiment
The Closure
A Shattered Reflection
As I Lay Dying 5.5/10
For the Fallen Dreams
Lewis vs Clark
Earth From Above
Thwomp in the House of Boo
From the Throne
Heroes Will Be Heroes
The Devil Wears Prada
Jaded Holly
Seven Last Words of Christ
Dear Japan, Love Enola
Texas in July 6.75/10
This or the Apocalypse
Blind Witness
Return the Hero
Decimation Age 2/10
Your Memorial
Trivium
Bleeding Through
Dryline
God Forbid
Chimaira
Shadows Fall 7.5/10
Caliban
Drowning Pool
10 Years
Misery Signals
Still Remains
Haste the Day
Underoath 8.5/10
Oceana
Killswitch Engaged
Oh, Sleeper
Catherine
Memphis May Fire
Parkway Drive
Autumn Black
Drop Dead Gorgeous
From Autumn to Ashes
Darkest Hour
All That Remains 9.9/10
Sonic Syndicate 9.5/10
It Dies Today
Unearth
Walls of Jericho
Atreyu 7.75/10
Anterior
Silent Civilian
In This Moment 7.5/10
Arch Enemy
Straight Line Stitch 9/10
Dead Man In Reno
Sever Your Ties 7/10
Chasing Victory 8/10
Inhale Exhale 8.5/10
Beloved 6.5/10
Dance Gavin Dance 5.5/10
Alexisonfire 6/10
Bless the Fall 7.5/10 (listen to with eyes wide shut, it touched me very deeply, very unique band)
Close Your Eyes 6.5/10
Jamie’s Elsewhere 7/10
A Skylit Drive 7.5/10 (This is an all guy band >.>)
Memphis May Fire 6.75/10
Destroy the Runner 8/10
The Messenger 6.5/10
Hopes Die Last 8.75/10
A Breach on Heaven 6/10
Amia Venera Landscape 6/10
Belle Epoque (fr)
Belle Epoque (us)
Callahan 4/10
Here I Come Falling 4.5/10
A Day to Remember 3.5/10
Write This Down 6/10
Nihilio 5.5/10
Breathe Carolina 8/10
Falling Up 7.75/10
Dizmas 5.5/10
Spoken
Saturday Ends
Enter Shikari 8/10
Scary Kids Scaring Kids 6.5/10
Emery
As Cities Burn
Sky Eats Airplane 6/10
Valeyra
The Axe That Chopped the Cherry Tree
In Fair Verona
Of The Wolves
Burden of a Day 7/10
Forever Midnight Sun 5/10
Sivan
Solemn Vow
I Am Alpha and Omega 4/10
Before Their Eyes 6/10
Life in Your Way
In Fear and Faith 9/10
A Study in Scarlet
The Rose McCoy
ForeverAtLast
Ships and Sailors
A Living Burden
Zap Em Dead Bartholomew
Elotheos
Intrust
Ghost in the Radio
Pierce the Veil
Then Falls Ceasar
Kill the Queen
Sirena
Your Final Hour
My Hero is Me
Kincaide
Armor for the Broken
Our Last Night
Out Run the Gun
Run Into the Shadows
Guns for Glory
Blessed by a Broken Heart
Protest the Hero
Every Bridge Burned
Kid on Moon
A Perfect Tragedy
Nobodys Hero
Consider the Thief
Ice Nine Kills
With Life in Mind
A Kiss for Jersey
A Hero A Fake
Tie Fighter
Paddock Park
August Burns Red
Mychildren Mybride
Blessed is He
The Black Regiment
The Closure
A Shattered Reflection
As I Lay Dying 5.5/10
For the Fallen Dreams
Lewis vs Clark
Earth From Above
Thwomp in the House of Boo
From the Throne
Heroes Will Be Heroes
The Devil Wears Prada
Jaded Holly
Seven Last Words of Christ
Dear Japan, Love Enola
Texas in July 6.75/10
This or the Apocalypse
Blind Witness
Return the Hero
Decimation Age 2/10
Your Memorial
Trivium
Bleeding Through
Dryline
God Forbid
Chimaira
Shadows Fall 7.5/10
Caliban
Drowning Pool
10 Years
Misery Signals
Still Remains
Haste the Day
Underoath 8.5/10
Oceana
Killswitch Engaged
Oh, Sleeper
Catherine
Memphis May Fire
Parkway Drive
Autumn Black
Drop Dead Gorgeous
From Autumn to Ashes
Darkest Hour
All That Remains 9.9/10
Sonic Syndicate 9.5/10
It Dies Today
Unearth
Walls of Jericho
Atreyu 7.75/10
Anterior
Silent Civilian
In This Moment 7.5/10
Arch Enemy
Straight Line Stitch 9/10
Dead Man In Reno
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The titles always the hardest part
Wow two posts so close together. I guess I'm just really bored and have nothing better to do with myself. I guess I'll be going to sleep in second. but right now I just have to say I miss being happy. Not saying I'm not happy, more i miss having someone who I look forward to seeing every morning. That when I wake up I know that no matter what goes wrong during the day, no matter what I fuck up, do wrong, or do right, that there will be somewhere there beside that just wont care and who can just be there to love and care for me. Someone to hold and who can give me unconditional love. That's all I really want right now. But no matter what I do any attempt at a relationship always fails for me. I just cant take it. I'm given hope only to have it snatched away from me moments later... I'd rather have no one ever like than have them like me for a couple days, because then its just more painful.
I really don't know where I'd be without all my friends. Max, Mark, Maddy, Dylan, Erin and everybody. You all mean more to me than I'm able to express. I'd be nothing without any of you. Sure we all have our problems and dramas, but the fact that we're all still friends even after all of that means that we're all closer than we think and I love all of you guys =)
I really don't know where I'd be without all my friends. Max, Mark, Maddy, Dylan, Erin and everybody. You all mean more to me than I'm able to express. I'd be nothing without any of you. Sure we all have our problems and dramas, but the fact that we're all still friends even after all of that means that we're all closer than we think and I love all of you guys =)
Blog's are just silly
I've come to the realization that everybodies blogs can be hard to take seriously most of the time. It's just everyone spewing their feelings out onto an online piece of parchment for their friends to read. But it'll never be spoken of in real life. Only here online. It's like We live seperate lives on these things than we do in real life because the things we say on here and the emotions we show in real life rarely ever connect. We say we're flipping out yet during our day to day lives we seem completely fine. Maybe most of us use this as realease. Maybe it's healthy. Or maybe it's the fact that lack of human contact usually makes people a tad more emotional and tend to overreact more. I can confess to feeling much more depression when I'm by myself in the dark typing things into a computer screen, that in reality are no more than mere code being encrypted onto an online cyber page for anyone who wishes to read.
The only real reason I started my blog in the first place was to use it as a personal diary sort of thing. It was never intended for others to read. No one was actually supposed to read this but whatever it's online so really anyone can. But I'm still gonna treat this as something for myself, something I'll look back on in 30 years and be all like "wow... wow....oh yea... that happened.... weird... thats a trip... oh yea and that happened too... that's pretty sweet" sorta thing. But of course everything that I've written in my posts you won't be right out in the open. I've always enjoyed making and breaking puzzles and codes. So once more people started reading my posts i decided to throw in a couple puzzles, make it different than everyone elses, a bit more interesting. Sure I realize that one of you might figure it out (doubt it) but I made them more for my own enjoyment. I realize that I may also forget how to read everything I put into these posts. But it'll be fun to figure out again later. Some things I write may be obviously in code form like a previous post "Iasilm8MtNoei4vglEa2LN351" But like my last post it may be alot less obvious.
But as I was saying these blogs are for the most part very silly and they let you know that most people really dont say or show how they are actually feeling and they are much more likely to tell everyone their feelings on and online piece of cyber papper. Or you get the people that just bulshit everyone with their blogs and really nothing on it is truth.
That's about it for now.
tcit71mfanowfioh4hoSouu8nOni2iT6uaidOcN9DElgTh@1SE56HLuA3rE928
aIs3lmnt6oeDivgl9EaLN263
-Divinity is not of only the rich, for it feuls the peasant as well-
The only real reason I started my blog in the first place was to use it as a personal diary sort of thing. It was never intended for others to read. No one was actually supposed to read this but whatever it's online so really anyone can. But I'm still gonna treat this as something for myself, something I'll look back on in 30 years and be all like "wow... wow....oh yea... that happened.... weird... thats a trip... oh yea and that happened too... that's pretty sweet" sorta thing. But of course everything that I've written in my posts you won't be right out in the open. I've always enjoyed making and breaking puzzles and codes. So once more people started reading my posts i decided to throw in a couple puzzles, make it different than everyone elses, a bit more interesting. Sure I realize that one of you might figure it out (doubt it) but I made them more for my own enjoyment. I realize that I may also forget how to read everything I put into these posts. But it'll be fun to figure out again later. Some things I write may be obviously in code form like a previous post "Iasilm8MtNoei4vglEa2LN351" But like my last post it may be alot less obvious.
But as I was saying these blogs are for the most part very silly and they let you know that most people really dont say or show how they are actually feeling and they are much more likely to tell everyone their feelings on and online piece of cyber papper. Or you get the people that just bulshit everyone with their blogs and really nothing on it is truth.
That's about it for now.
tcit71mfanowfioh4hoSouu8nOni2iT6uaidOcN9DElgTh@1SE56HLuA3rE928
aIs3lmnt6oeDivgl9EaLN263
-Divinity is not of only the rich, for it feuls the peasant as well-
Monday, February 9, 2009
What I say and what I do are never related
I'm ok. Just, well Mark 5 brought it to my attention that i haven't posted here for a while. A nother post is here.
No? Well I guess I'll start this by saying, yea i dont like Kaity anymore. One, I just dont know why, i just 4 stopped. Why I haven't liked her for months actually, I kinda liked her when she broke up with tyler and i heard she liked me. Everything was like for 1 one day and then i just, didnt anymore. Fades? Fading? used 8 to like her alot and I think she still likes me but yea, i cant say i feel the same way. Away i wish i did but there's just nothing there. I'm not but she's the type of person who's all like yea i like you so im gonna 23 be around you alot but ill be super shy and too shy 67 to add anything to our conversations. Just a fail. A nother time maybe. No, I don't mean to fuck up the only things i love, it's just my nature. One 's attractions a strange thing. As I cant say i am to anyone at the moment.
I 'd like to 2 have someone to love and hold but i realize that i'll never find love in highschool. Get it? no one does. Through out life you will 67 probably find very few people because we always think that our first love is our last and our last love is our first. Another thing is Sure i'll get more girlfriends, have more flings 12 but love in highschool i dont think is possible.
Day, its into 98 the next one. And why cant i find someone that i can stay interested in and that can stay interested in me for elongated periods of time? Now, like i want to like Kaity and have it work with us, but i dont know 233 i just cant. That its not there. I mean like she's beautiful and nice and cute but i feel nothing for her. Know that i dont care, whatever, i guess thats just unfortunate. That set aside one thing i got out of the past couple weeks 82 was pages apon pages of poems and songs and stuff like that. Those I could post like everyone else is doing. Feelings are a very personal thing. Are not gonna be shared for now though. True, a good 99.9% of everything will never be read by 34 anyone but me. I'm not letting anyone into my mind, yet that is. Just, I like it better that way. A ny doubts that I'm good at it? nope i have none. No, I've shown a couple of my older ones to a few people and Danielle said something along the lines of her wishing she wished she was the girl 21 my poems were about and tons of flattering stuff like that. One of our more interesting coversations definitely.
-Without life one cannot love, and without love one can never live
-You can never leave, They won't let you 998
(Couldn't think of any other way to finish, but It's done now)
-|Don't look at me like I'm crazy. You just aren't smart enough
Do you like puzzles? Well then take a crack at this one. You just might learn something about me. Because like me seemingly simple on the outside, is anything but simple underneath it all. The meaning behind the mask, the man behind the act Try to figure it out, you never will. (You think you know me?) You'll never know me. Try, you'll never actually figure me out.
WHen the MAKE
fiGurE numB3s It'LL
yoU ee S_ns_
oUt a11 |-
I actually wouldnt be surprised if Megan still liked me, at least a little bit. She compliments me at every posible chance she gets, she tells me how perfect i am and everything at every chance she gets too. And -|Look closer|- plus it didnt make sense that she stopped liking me so sudden. I dont know to me it seems like more of a me or Itay thing and she chose Itay. im not saying that i like her anymore, im done with that. if she ever does want to try things out with me i'll let her initiate it if it ever goes down. But personally -|do you think you can show me|- i think we work well as really good friends. We both always talk to each other about our problems and help each other out and stuff. I'm glad we're friends and nothing was awkward after all that. Shes one person that i can -|Close enough?|- just let myself go around and say whatever i want and she wont judge. plus she thinks im like the funniest guy around which is nice. Even in casual conversation she shes always laughing at what i say. So she's -|too close?|- a really great friend to have.
I dont know i had more to say but -|you're thinking too hard|- i cant remember it. i dont think im going to school tomorow, i dont feel like it, i'll just stay home sick again and sleep in. That sounds nice.
Oh yea there was that Emma thing. I found the whole matter quite silly. She was being way too overdramatic, i wasnt -|we're not even trying|- planning on never talking to her again or anything like that like she thought i would. She didnt even say anything that bad. She was probably the harshest -|too complicated?|- to Mark though. That was pretty ridiculous, but yea. Well, I've decided to start working out. I'm tired of being skinny. But i guess the upside to being skinny is when you flex you sure dont look very skinny. high -|hahaha|- metabolism are rather lame though.
Well it's like really late now I guess. There's nothing really left to say. so I guess I'll leave at that for now -|it's been fun|-
-|did you learn anything?|-
No? Well I guess I'll start this by saying, yea i dont like Kaity anymore. One, I just dont know why, i just 4 stopped. Why I haven't liked her for months actually, I kinda liked her when she broke up with tyler and i heard she liked me. Everything was like for 1 one day and then i just, didnt anymore. Fades? Fading? used 8 to like her alot and I think she still likes me but yea, i cant say i feel the same way. Away i wish i did but there's just nothing there. I'm not but she's the type of person who's all like yea i like you so im gonna 23 be around you alot but ill be super shy and too shy 67 to add anything to our conversations. Just a fail. A nother time maybe. No, I don't mean to fuck up the only things i love, it's just my nature. One 's attractions a strange thing. As I cant say i am to anyone at the moment.
I 'd like to 2 have someone to love and hold but i realize that i'll never find love in highschool. Get it? no one does. Through out life you will 67 probably find very few people because we always think that our first love is our last and our last love is our first. Another thing is Sure i'll get more girlfriends, have more flings 12 but love in highschool i dont think is possible.
Day, its into 98 the next one. And why cant i find someone that i can stay interested in and that can stay interested in me for elongated periods of time? Now, like i want to like Kaity and have it work with us, but i dont know 233 i just cant. That its not there. I mean like she's beautiful and nice and cute but i feel nothing for her. Know that i dont care, whatever, i guess thats just unfortunate. That set aside one thing i got out of the past couple weeks 82 was pages apon pages of poems and songs and stuff like that. Those I could post like everyone else is doing. Feelings are a very personal thing. Are not gonna be shared for now though. True, a good 99.9% of everything will never be read by 34 anyone but me. I'm not letting anyone into my mind, yet that is. Just, I like it better that way. A ny doubts that I'm good at it? nope i have none. No, I've shown a couple of my older ones to a few people and Danielle said something along the lines of her wishing she wished she was the girl 21 my poems were about and tons of flattering stuff like that. One of our more interesting coversations definitely.
-Without life one cannot love, and without love one can never live
-You can never leave, They won't let you 998
(Couldn't think of any other way to finish, but It's done now)
-|Don't look at me like I'm crazy. You just aren't smart enough
Do you like puzzles? Well then take a crack at this one. You just might learn something about me. Because like me seemingly simple on the outside, is anything but simple underneath it all. The meaning behind the mask, the man behind the act Try to figure it out, you never will. (You think you know me?) You'll never know me. Try, you'll never actually figure me out.
WHen the MAKE
fiGurE numB3s It'LL
yoU ee S_ns_
oUt a11 |-
I actually wouldnt be surprised if Megan still liked me, at least a little bit. She compliments me at every posible chance she gets, she tells me how perfect i am and everything at every chance she gets too. And -|Look closer|- plus it didnt make sense that she stopped liking me so sudden. I dont know to me it seems like more of a me or Itay thing and she chose Itay. im not saying that i like her anymore, im done with that. if she ever does want to try things out with me i'll let her initiate it if it ever goes down. But personally -|do you think you can show me|- i think we work well as really good friends. We both always talk to each other about our problems and help each other out and stuff. I'm glad we're friends and nothing was awkward after all that. Shes one person that i can -|Close enough?|- just let myself go around and say whatever i want and she wont judge. plus she thinks im like the funniest guy around which is nice. Even in casual conversation she shes always laughing at what i say. So she's -|too close?|- a really great friend to have.
I dont know i had more to say but -|you're thinking too hard|- i cant remember it. i dont think im going to school tomorow, i dont feel like it, i'll just stay home sick again and sleep in. That sounds nice.
Oh yea there was that Emma thing. I found the whole matter quite silly. She was being way too overdramatic, i wasnt -|we're not even trying|- planning on never talking to her again or anything like that like she thought i would. She didnt even say anything that bad. She was probably the harshest -|too complicated?|- to Mark though. That was pretty ridiculous, but yea. Well, I've decided to start working out. I'm tired of being skinny. But i guess the upside to being skinny is when you flex you sure dont look very skinny. high -|hahaha|- metabolism are rather lame though.
Well it's like really late now I guess. There's nothing really left to say. so I guess I'll leave at that for now -|it's been fun|-
-|did you learn anything?|-
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
M.I.A.
I'm gonna bore you with lyrics that have nothing to do with my life whatsoever i just think they are badass and are so true about war.
Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun would never rise
Living another day in disguise
These feelings can't be right, lend me your courage to stand up and fight
Onnn tonight
Stand up and fight
The fighting rages on and on, to challenge me you must be strong.
I walk your land but don't belong, two million soldiers can't be wrong
It's no fun but I've been here before
I'm far from home and I'm fighting your war
(Not the way I pictured this, I wanted better things)
Some are scared others killing for fun, I shot a mother right in front of her son
(Take this from my consciousness and please erase my dreams)
Fight for honor, fight for your life
Pray to God that our side is right
Although we won I still may lose, until I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears, grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories won't let you cry, unless I don't return tonight
So many soldiers on the other side, I take their lives so they can't take mine
(Scared to make it out alive now, murder's all I know)
Nobody tells me all the reasons we're here, I have my weapon so there's nothing to fear
(Another day, another life, but nothing real to show for)
Fight for honor, fight for your life
Pray to god that our side is right
Although we won I still may lose, until I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears, grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories won't let you cry, unless I don't return tonight
Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun would never rise
Living another day in disguise
These feelings can't be right, lend me your courage to stand up and fight
Watching the death toll rise wondering how I'm alive
Stranger's blood on my hands, shot all I can
There were no silent nights watching your brothers all die
To destroy all their plans with no thought of me (No thought of me)
No thought of me
I Walk the city lonely, memories that haunt are passing by
A murderer walks your streets tonight
Forgive me for my crimes
Don't forget that I was so young, fought so scared
In the name of God and Country
And if you actually took the time to read them they are so true eh. Yea war is terrible I see no reason for any of it. It's all bullshit, when the rich wage war it's the poor who die. If the rich had to fight the wars they wouldnt be waging any bullshit wars like this. but yea theres my random war's bad chat. I'd like to start writing daily in my blog but somehow i cant see myself getting around to it sadly.
But well yea in other news, lifes good. Everything seems to be perfect for almost everybody. I'm getting alot closer with everyone at thss which is cool, and the whole clash that happened with erin and maddy seems to be fine now so really everythings all good =)
It's funny how fast life changes on you, a little less then a month ago i was crushed about the whole megan thing and there were troubles with old friends and life just sucked but now not even a month later everything all fixed up, me and megan are tight again but in a brother sister sense, which is pretty awesome. She's fun to hang around and im really glad we never went out now because it would have just been weird. We're so much better just as great friends. And then there's Kaity which personally i wasnt really expecting her to start liking me like that so suddenly but who's complaining. It's amazing. I'll ask her out eventually probably in a month or so. Get to know her better and stuff and anyways in the past i found that if i acted on stuff like this too soon it never ended well. But with Megan I blame Emma she was really edging me to act quickly on it even though i was really unsure XD. But whatever i see now that all that not working out was for the best and yea everything happens for a reason right.
Yea today the last 2 blocks were awesome =) I just got to spend 2 blocks talking with Kaity. Man it sure didnt feel like 2 hours though, fastest two hours of my life. We didnt even talk about anything important. Just random stuff that Kaity was going to do during the school year like how i thought she should rent a bus and drive it around with a discoball and have people dancing in the back. and how she should dress up in a panda costume and run around the school telling scary stories. Haha I love how we can just talk about the most random stuff ever and just laugh about it for hours. I love her sense of humour and how it's always so much fun to talk to her about anything at all. We even manage to turn talking about how you're only aloud one person per table in the library into the funniest thing ever and we end up laughing for the whole block about bunny buddys.
She's cute, funny, nice and beautiful. There is nothing wrong with her.
And like every other girl I know at that school she loves how I'm a drummer and a bad ass rocker XD
And yea most of my friends lives are going great too. Max has his stuff going on but I'm sure things will turn out great for him, i have no doubt in my mind about that. There's Erin and Dylan, Jeremy and Cassidy, Deena's got Dylan. Heck even Matt's got Tanna and then there's Sean and Kassy or whatver her name is. for the most part everybodies got something going for them and im happy for all of them =)
So yea i guess thats about it for now. Wow that was a pretty long post and there i used paragraphs this time, somewhat.
Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun would never rise
Living another day in disguise
These feelings can't be right, lend me your courage to stand up and fight
Onnn tonight
Stand up and fight
The fighting rages on and on, to challenge me you must be strong.
I walk your land but don't belong, two million soldiers can't be wrong
It's no fun but I've been here before
I'm far from home and I'm fighting your war
(Not the way I pictured this, I wanted better things)
Some are scared others killing for fun, I shot a mother right in front of her son
(Take this from my consciousness and please erase my dreams)
Fight for honor, fight for your life
Pray to God that our side is right
Although we won I still may lose, until I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears, grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories won't let you cry, unless I don't return tonight
So many soldiers on the other side, I take their lives so they can't take mine
(Scared to make it out alive now, murder's all I know)
Nobody tells me all the reasons we're here, I have my weapon so there's nothing to fear
(Another day, another life, but nothing real to show for)
Fight for honor, fight for your life
Pray to god that our side is right
Although we won I still may lose, until I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears, grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories won't let you cry, unless I don't return tonight
Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun would never rise
Living another day in disguise
These feelings can't be right, lend me your courage to stand up and fight
Watching the death toll rise wondering how I'm alive
Stranger's blood on my hands, shot all I can
There were no silent nights watching your brothers all die
To destroy all their plans with no thought of me (No thought of me)
No thought of me
I Walk the city lonely, memories that haunt are passing by
A murderer walks your streets tonight
Forgive me for my crimes
Don't forget that I was so young, fought so scared
In the name of God and Country
And if you actually took the time to read them they are so true eh. Yea war is terrible I see no reason for any of it. It's all bullshit, when the rich wage war it's the poor who die. If the rich had to fight the wars they wouldnt be waging any bullshit wars like this. but yea theres my random war's bad chat. I'd like to start writing daily in my blog but somehow i cant see myself getting around to it sadly.
But well yea in other news, lifes good. Everything seems to be perfect for almost everybody. I'm getting alot closer with everyone at thss which is cool, and the whole clash that happened with erin and maddy seems to be fine now so really everythings all good =)
It's funny how fast life changes on you, a little less then a month ago i was crushed about the whole megan thing and there were troubles with old friends and life just sucked but now not even a month later everything all fixed up, me and megan are tight again but in a brother sister sense, which is pretty awesome. She's fun to hang around and im really glad we never went out now because it would have just been weird. We're so much better just as great friends. And then there's Kaity which personally i wasnt really expecting her to start liking me like that so suddenly but who's complaining. It's amazing. I'll ask her out eventually probably in a month or so. Get to know her better and stuff and anyways in the past i found that if i acted on stuff like this too soon it never ended well. But with Megan I blame Emma she was really edging me to act quickly on it even though i was really unsure XD. But whatever i see now that all that not working out was for the best and yea everything happens for a reason right.
Yea today the last 2 blocks were awesome =) I just got to spend 2 blocks talking with Kaity. Man it sure didnt feel like 2 hours though, fastest two hours of my life. We didnt even talk about anything important. Just random stuff that Kaity was going to do during the school year like how i thought she should rent a bus and drive it around with a discoball and have people dancing in the back. and how she should dress up in a panda costume and run around the school telling scary stories. Haha I love how we can just talk about the most random stuff ever and just laugh about it for hours. I love her sense of humour and how it's always so much fun to talk to her about anything at all. We even manage to turn talking about how you're only aloud one person per table in the library into the funniest thing ever and we end up laughing for the whole block about bunny buddys.
She's cute, funny, nice and beautiful. There is nothing wrong with her.
And like every other girl I know at that school she loves how I'm a drummer and a bad ass rocker XD
And yea most of my friends lives are going great too. Max has his stuff going on but I'm sure things will turn out great for him, i have no doubt in my mind about that. There's Erin and Dylan, Jeremy and Cassidy, Deena's got Dylan. Heck even Matt's got Tanna and then there's Sean and Kassy or whatver her name is. for the most part everybodies got something going for them and im happy for all of them =)
So yea i guess thats about it for now. Wow that was a pretty long post and there i used paragraphs this time, somewhat.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Yea why not write again.
Well I can say now without lying to myself that I'm 100% over Megan! And in case you can't tell I'm also 100% done with the code name type things, those were lame. But yeah, now I can just be friends and only friends with Megan which is pretty sweet because she's really fun to talk to and to just spend time with. But now it seems like someone else likes me, and it just so happens to be the same girl that I've liked for the past 5 months!!! only stopping for about 3 weeks while I liked Megan. She just broke up with her ex friday apparently because for one he was a controlling dick and because she likes me now =D. So that's pretty awesome! So yeah I'm really happy right now so be warned if I go off on random tangents and make no sense when I'm talking, and take way to long to explain things and stuff like that. (that always happens when I'm like this) of course I won't get my hopes to high because I might not be right about her liking me, but with what people have said and the way Kaitie's was acting around me today, I don't see how I could be wrong. But it's always a possibility and I acknowledge that, but still I'm just gonna be blissful and not worry about that possibility. Really right now I don't really see anything wrong with life and the things that are I'm not gonna focus on because I don't want to kill my buzz. But I mean, almost all of my friends have girlfriends or boyfriends at the moment, everythings good between me and Megan now, we're tight again and nothings awkward between us anymore. As far as I know things are alright between me and maddy and erin. I hope so at least. I havent made any more wild tails or ran from anyone, ive been hanging out with them, and like I have before I'm happy to spend time with them, but now im making more of an effort to show it. So i hope that stuffs all good now. If not then what can you do, I've been trying. So really life is pretty damn good =D. Well yeah I had alot more stuff to say but I went and did something else and completely forgot. So yeah this is done, and no paragraphs once again muahaha
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Iasilm8MtNoei4vglEa2LN351
Try and crack the code if you want, if anyone could crack it it would be one of the two(hopefully still only two) people who read this. It's a fairly simple one, if you can't get it you're thinking to hard. If you can figure out what the numbers mean the rest will come very easily to you. I'm done with the whole randomly generated names, i forgot who was who and am too lazy to remember. I also don't know why but it's 8:30...I'm listening to Sum 41, they're pretty good. My mood changes too frequently, one day I really miss Megan the next I don't care, the next I miss her more than ever, then I'll go days without caring and then start caring again, but whatever, when have I ever been known to keep the same mindset or same opinion on something for any longer than a few days. One moment I'll feel like shit and just want to die, then hours later I'll be out having the time of my life totally happy with people I barely even know. I guess an exception might be with who I like, if anyone knows who I actually like it means I like them enough to not change my mind easily, but sometimes i tend to lie about who I like to hide the truth, for the sole reason of just not wanting to tell anyone. I had other stuff to say but I cant remember them, i'm way too tired, so i may as well sleep, got nothing better to do. Random fact: every word used in this blog has been used in some song lyrics sometime in the past. omg
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Trapped in a hellish dream, drifiting to worlds unseen
k, well whatever I'm extremely bored and havent posted in here for a while. Well by now I've gone longer without Megan than I have with her but she just can't escape my thoughts, I see her in my dreams everynight and... well... it just sucks. Well at least I sleep well I guess, although every morning I come to the harsh realization that it was all just a dream, day after day. But then again all this happening doesn't really bother me all that much anymore, sure I wish that we were together and happy but I don't know for some reason I get the feeling that I'll look back on this and be glad it happened, whether it be because she just goes downhill from here and gets back with her "uptown" friends or that we will end up having a relationship later in life that we would have never have been able to have is this all went through. I dont know, it doesn't seem like she completely forgot about me, some of the things she says... well i dont know. Maybe its just me being optimistic, trying to get over her hoping for the best sortof thing. Lie to myself, whatever gets me through another day. But really I would give anything to just hold again. boxing day, that had to have been one of the best days of my life, I don't think I've ever had so much fun, and sitting in the theaters with her... All I felt was happiness and the strange thing is is that she's said the same thing... But for the time being I dont mind being single too much, its not too bad I guess, theres a good amount a trouble that comes from dating usually, especially emotional stress. Screw paragraphs im above that. I hate it when people take life to seriously, its like they are actually trying to live through it, why bother. Why not release into above it all, with time, without it who needs it what did it ever do, to enhance the time you spend on this earth yet it all happens again, without us knowing or needing, take back the knowledge fight back the ride, and jump into the game. Well I've gotten ppl back before, I can probably do again, but later. although last time i did someone stood in the way of it all, i dont really care anymore, but when i look back on how much i did before and how much it hurt and ate away at me then yea i think it matters. I dont see how someone could be so selfish and put their own feeling above those of who used to be her best friend and her ex. It just baffles the mind and definitely bothers me to think she could do that, but whatever its in the past but cant be erased so we'll leave it at that. I don't like this feeling, I'm sinking like a stone. Two weeks you ran away (well in about 4 hours)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Just a quick post before I go to sleep
Well today was a snow day so there was no school, but tomorrow there will most likely be school but only for the high schools.... so that's pretty lame. I hope there will be no school tomorrow because I have math and socials which is pretty lame, but i guess it will be pretty awesome seeing everybody again at school tomorrow. I'd rather stay home though haha.
But yea today was kinda boring and uneventful. Got up at 7 shoveled the driveway (that fucking sucked), played PSO until like noon XD, then went to Derek's place with Jack. It was pretty boring... actually really boring. So we got out of there eventually and then I hung out with Alfred for a while. So that's my exciting day.
But I'm tired and I have school tomorrow so I should really get some sleep. Peace out!
But yea today was kinda boring and uneventful. Got up at 7 shoveled the driveway (that fucking sucked), played PSO until like noon XD, then went to Derek's place with Jack. It was pretty boring... actually really boring. So we got out of there eventually and then I hung out with Alfred for a while. So that's my exciting day.
But I'm tired and I have school tomorrow so I should really get some sleep. Peace out!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
I haz profile pic!!
Haha, so as the title states, I haz profile pic!!! Just some cool animated character I found on my travels. It's from a pretty cool game too, haha. Well yea I'm just waiting for my friend Alfred to get here and then we are gonna geek out and play that game for hours on end. Something to take my mind off past events. Yea I'm sure nobodies heard of the game and if you have you either hate it or love it haha, PSO (Phantasy Star Online). I'm really not big into video games like most guys, but this game is one game that I can play for non-stop hours.
I'm really not digging the going back to school thing tomorow, I'd rather just stay home and not go to school. That would be nice, like maybe a snow day or something, but yea. I've been up since 11, ugh. I wanted to sleep more but I knew I had to get up or else I'd never be able to get to sleep tonight. Have to go to bed at like 10, so lame.
I guess I'm looking forward to going back to rockschool, I have rock school tomorow but shit I still don't know sugar like at all... but i know tribute so I guess we'll play alot of D and RHCP. Haha that rhymed.
K, well I guess I'm done with this for now, time to go play PSO!!!!
I'm really not digging the going back to school thing tomorow, I'd rather just stay home and not go to school. That would be nice, like maybe a snow day or something, but yea. I've been up since 11, ugh. I wanted to sleep more but I knew I had to get up or else I'd never be able to get to sleep tonight. Have to go to bed at like 10, so lame.
I guess I'm looking forward to going back to rockschool, I have rock school tomorow but shit I still don't know sugar like at all... but i know tribute so I guess we'll play alot of D and RHCP. Haha that rhymed.
K, well I guess I'm done with this for now, time to go play PSO!!!!
First post..Hooray!
Hmm... well i don't know how to really start one of these things. I guess you just write about anything that comes to mind, kinda what doing now. Well i guess I'll just write a bit about my oh soo interesting life.
I'll start of by stating a little about myself. In this blog i guess i'll go by then name of Cain Redfeild for the sole purpose of the rare occurence that someone i know might come across this blog and gain access to my personal feelings. I'm a male highschool student currently enrolled grade 10 and will graduate in what, 2011 i guess. I've been drumming for the past year now, I guess I would consider myself to be pretty good at it too. I drum for a couple bands at school but I've only played one gig to date. I'll just say it was the most amazing experience of my life, way too much fun. Yea I play a little bit of bass and guitar too, but yea music is a giant part of my life, I love it all... except Indie I really hate that genre.
If things went my way I would become a famous rock drummer and go down in history and then this blog would become the most famous blog ever because it would be the blog of the famous Chr... Cain Redfeild! But then i guess if thing went my way I wouldn't be so lonely right now and would be able to hold Melody in my arms once more. I may as well explain for you readers because I'm sure many of you are reading this. Well... a few weeks ago, the last day of school before the Christmas holidays, i met this girl who will go by the name of Melody. She seemed like a pretty great girl, she was really pretty, nice and fun loving. But she was taken... So I didn't expect to get the news i received later that night.
I went on msn that night and my friend Emily was online, so we started talking and then she started telling me how Melody had tons of fun with me at the dance earlier that day (it was some silly school dance where everyone danced to country music and had alot of fun). I was really shocked to hear that but i for some reason I was really happy. That's when it all started. Emily started talking about how Melody said that she kinda has a thing for me and that she thinks Melody likes me more than her current boyfriend Isaac. Then Emily proceeded to ask me who I liked. "Kaitlyn?" she asked "Olivia?" I responded "nah not anymore" to both of them. Them she asks "Melody??" and i guess my pause gave it away but a few seconds afterwards she just goes crazy all like "Omg, it is Melody isn't it? I knew it" I figured I may as well tell her then so I do, i tell her that yea I think I like Melody too. Then she starts talking about how cute it is and stuff, then she asks her if I want to talk to her. Confused I ask what she means, and she tells me that Melody's right behind her because Emily was sleeping over at her place. Apparently Melody didn't see anything me and Emily said but I doubt that was true. But anyways, I start talking to this girl that I barely even know, and we talk for hours and hours, i think the exact number was 5, until about 5 in the morning. By the end I had started to really like her and I was happy that she had mutual feelings for me.
A few days later I'm invited to go tabogoning with Melody, Emily, Drew and Corey. Time with Melody? How could I refuse so I came along and has a really great time, we took tons of pictures and just had a great time, Then afterwards Melody, Emily and I headed back to Melody's house to hang out for a while and warm up. We ended up staying there from 5-10. Afterwards I was talking to Emily on msn and she was talking about how much fun Melody had and how whenever i left the room she told her how happy she was that I was there. Hearing that made me soo happy, I was starting to get some really strong feelings for Melody.
Then a few days later Isaac broke up with Melody, even though she didn't care for him as much it still hurt her, and the fact that Isaac refused her friendship as well and just wanted to completely leave her behind. So yea she kinda cared about that.
The next day Melody, Emily, Jack, Lena and I went to go hang out at Melody's house. It was one of the funnest nights ever, we must have taken about 300 pictures that night.
So I talked to Emily a few days later to see how Melody felt about me still and then Emily told me that she isn't ready for a relationship quite yet but I should tell her how I feel about her anyways. I asked a few times if she was sure this is the right thing to do and she assured me it was the right choice. So alright I followed her advice, I expressed my feeling for her in the best way I knew, in a poem. That I gave to her on boxing day when we went shopping just the two of us. I gave it to her while walking through the snow, i thought it was the best time. So yea she seemed to really like it, we went to the movies afterwards, saw yes man but more importantly we just cuddled the whole movie and held hands. Afterwards we went to boston pizza for virgin margaritas and cheesecake haha.
Later on Emily was saying to me how Melody wouldn't shut up about the poem I wrote and how she really liked me. I was starting to feel myself fall in love with her. After that night I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was all I ever thought about or cared about. So when new years came around, alot of freinds gathered for a party and after the countdown everyone ran outside screaming and yelling. All the guys but Jack took their shirts and ran around, Corey even took his pants off and dove into the snow, haha. But then at about 12:02 I went up to Melody gave her a hug and wished her a happy new years. But the hug never ended and soon turned into making out. My heart was racing, I had never felt so happy in my life. When the kiss ended I asked her out, she agreed...after a short pause that is.
At the moment I didn't know what to make of it all i knew was that it wasn't good... Jack and I got Picked up from Drew's house at 1:30am. The whole car ride home I was worrying, Jack was congratulating me but I knew that something was wrong. The two us get back to my house eat some food and then sit at the computer. Melody's online, she said she needed to talk to me... I knew I was fucked. She told me that she didn't think we would work out... she wasn't even willing to give it a shot. She said she got some weird gut feeling or something when we kissed that told her it was wrong. She said it was because she wasn't over Isaac yet, I still don't know if that was the truth. She also said she didn't feel she was ready for a relationship yet, the most common bullshit excuse a girl can give. I don't know maybe she was telling the truth, all i knew is that I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, i was just crushed. But I didn't cry, not sure why maybe it's because i was too shocked or maybe because Jack was there right beside me but I felt like shit. She then said that she didn't have anything else to say, and then logged off.
Jack and I shut off the computer and that night we talked for hours about it, I didn't want to talk about it but I didn't feel like sleeping either because I knew I couldn't... I was alone again and was just in so much pain. I didn't understand it either, I still don't she liked me so much but all of a sudden discarded me, I didn't even know it was possible. I don't know if she still likes me or if she lost all feellings for me in a matter of hours or what.
But last night we talked on msn again like we did before new years. We talked from 10pm-7am on webcam the last half, I don't know what to make of it all, all i know is that I still love her and as much as I want to I can't just forget about her the same way she forgot about me. Did she even forget about me? All these questions kill me for I have no answers...
But I guess that concludes my first post, Welcome to my exciting and at the moment shitty life!
I'll start of by stating a little about myself. In this blog i guess i'll go by then name of Cain Redfeild for the sole purpose of the rare occurence that someone i know might come across this blog and gain access to my personal feelings. I'm a male highschool student currently enrolled grade 10 and will graduate in what, 2011 i guess. I've been drumming for the past year now, I guess I would consider myself to be pretty good at it too. I drum for a couple bands at school but I've only played one gig to date. I'll just say it was the most amazing experience of my life, way too much fun. Yea I play a little bit of bass and guitar too, but yea music is a giant part of my life, I love it all... except Indie I really hate that genre.
If things went my way I would become a famous rock drummer and go down in history and then this blog would become the most famous blog ever because it would be the blog of the famous Chr... Cain Redfeild! But then i guess if thing went my way I wouldn't be so lonely right now and would be able to hold Melody in my arms once more. I may as well explain for you readers because I'm sure many of you are reading this. Well... a few weeks ago, the last day of school before the Christmas holidays, i met this girl who will go by the name of Melody. She seemed like a pretty great girl, she was really pretty, nice and fun loving. But she was taken... So I didn't expect to get the news i received later that night.
I went on msn that night and my friend Emily was online, so we started talking and then she started telling me how Melody had tons of fun with me at the dance earlier that day (it was some silly school dance where everyone danced to country music and had alot of fun). I was really shocked to hear that but i for some reason I was really happy. That's when it all started. Emily started talking about how Melody said that she kinda has a thing for me and that she thinks Melody likes me more than her current boyfriend Isaac. Then Emily proceeded to ask me who I liked. "Kaitlyn?" she asked "Olivia?" I responded "nah not anymore" to both of them. Them she asks "Melody??" and i guess my pause gave it away but a few seconds afterwards she just goes crazy all like "Omg, it is Melody isn't it? I knew it" I figured I may as well tell her then so I do, i tell her that yea I think I like Melody too. Then she starts talking about how cute it is and stuff, then she asks her if I want to talk to her. Confused I ask what she means, and she tells me that Melody's right behind her because Emily was sleeping over at her place. Apparently Melody didn't see anything me and Emily said but I doubt that was true. But anyways, I start talking to this girl that I barely even know, and we talk for hours and hours, i think the exact number was 5, until about 5 in the morning. By the end I had started to really like her and I was happy that she had mutual feelings for me.
A few days later I'm invited to go tabogoning with Melody, Emily, Drew and Corey. Time with Melody? How could I refuse so I came along and has a really great time, we took tons of pictures and just had a great time, Then afterwards Melody, Emily and I headed back to Melody's house to hang out for a while and warm up. We ended up staying there from 5-10. Afterwards I was talking to Emily on msn and she was talking about how much fun Melody had and how whenever i left the room she told her how happy she was that I was there. Hearing that made me soo happy, I was starting to get some really strong feelings for Melody.
Then a few days later Isaac broke up with Melody, even though she didn't care for him as much it still hurt her, and the fact that Isaac refused her friendship as well and just wanted to completely leave her behind. So yea she kinda cared about that.
The next day Melody, Emily, Jack, Lena and I went to go hang out at Melody's house. It was one of the funnest nights ever, we must have taken about 300 pictures that night.
So I talked to Emily a few days later to see how Melody felt about me still and then Emily told me that she isn't ready for a relationship quite yet but I should tell her how I feel about her anyways. I asked a few times if she was sure this is the right thing to do and she assured me it was the right choice. So alright I followed her advice, I expressed my feeling for her in the best way I knew, in a poem. That I gave to her on boxing day when we went shopping just the two of us. I gave it to her while walking through the snow, i thought it was the best time. So yea she seemed to really like it, we went to the movies afterwards, saw yes man but more importantly we just cuddled the whole movie and held hands. Afterwards we went to boston pizza for virgin margaritas and cheesecake haha.
Later on Emily was saying to me how Melody wouldn't shut up about the poem I wrote and how she really liked me. I was starting to feel myself fall in love with her. After that night I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was all I ever thought about or cared about. So when new years came around, alot of freinds gathered for a party and after the countdown everyone ran outside screaming and yelling. All the guys but Jack took their shirts and ran around, Corey even took his pants off and dove into the snow, haha. But then at about 12:02 I went up to Melody gave her a hug and wished her a happy new years. But the hug never ended and soon turned into making out. My heart was racing, I had never felt so happy in my life. When the kiss ended I asked her out, she agreed...after a short pause that is.
At the moment I didn't know what to make of it all i knew was that it wasn't good... Jack and I got Picked up from Drew's house at 1:30am. The whole car ride home I was worrying, Jack was congratulating me but I knew that something was wrong. The two us get back to my house eat some food and then sit at the computer. Melody's online, she said she needed to talk to me... I knew I was fucked. She told me that she didn't think we would work out... she wasn't even willing to give it a shot. She said she got some weird gut feeling or something when we kissed that told her it was wrong. She said it was because she wasn't over Isaac yet, I still don't know if that was the truth. She also said she didn't feel she was ready for a relationship yet, the most common bullshit excuse a girl can give. I don't know maybe she was telling the truth, all i knew is that I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, i was just crushed. But I didn't cry, not sure why maybe it's because i was too shocked or maybe because Jack was there right beside me but I felt like shit. She then said that she didn't have anything else to say, and then logged off.
Jack and I shut off the computer and that night we talked for hours about it, I didn't want to talk about it but I didn't feel like sleeping either because I knew I couldn't... I was alone again and was just in so much pain. I didn't understand it either, I still don't she liked me so much but all of a sudden discarded me, I didn't even know it was possible. I don't know if she still likes me or if she lost all feellings for me in a matter of hours or what.
But last night we talked on msn again like we did before new years. We talked from 10pm-7am on webcam the last half, I don't know what to make of it all, all i know is that I still love her and as much as I want to I can't just forget about her the same way she forgot about me. Did she even forget about me? All these questions kill me for I have no answers...
But I guess that concludes my first post, Welcome to my exciting and at the moment shitty life!
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